I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
