i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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