I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
