God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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