after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
