remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
