I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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