she kept yelling 'call me bella'
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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