I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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