i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
