haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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