1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
