i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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