Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
