Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
