Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
