i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize