I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My ass is underappreciated
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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