I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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