So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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