While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
