East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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