i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
