I have demons in me.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I can't turn off my feet"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
