I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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