Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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