you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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