she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
