Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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