Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
