Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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