I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize