dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
