My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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