Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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