I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
