then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
