just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
