ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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