so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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