The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
And then he peed in my hair
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
