When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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