They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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