My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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