At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
