I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
