woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize