I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
