He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
