I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize