You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize