Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
