OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
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