Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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