where am i from again
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
