Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
