I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
