Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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