I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
