Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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