That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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