Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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