Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
