I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize