I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
