On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
