Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
