we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
