do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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