Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
