God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
