My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
