Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
