I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
