The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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